A NEW JOURNEY
Hello there beautiful Mama's + Mama's to be, sorry I have been a little MIA but I have had some pretty important business to attend to such as enjoying life as a new Mama oh and ya know, finding my groove with it all. I thought I would wait till I reached the three month mark to write my next personal blog post and touch on my life and experience so far as a new Mama! Please don't take offense to anything that I have to say as that is not my intention, I am merely speaking from my own experience.
So our little Willow girl is three months tomorrow, THREE MONTHS! Seriously, I feel like I need to pinch myself. Reflecting on these past three months in all honestly seems like a bit of blur but it's been the most magical three months of my life. I would like to apologise for the insane baby spam, I swore to myself I wouldn't become one of those Mothers that posted photos of their baby every day but I am 110% guilty and yep I totally am one of those Mothers. But I just figured that if people didn't like it well, simply un-follow. It was the moment I was shopping for smaller clothing items in Target the day after getting out of hospital when I found myself showing the checkout lady pictures of my newborn. So that pretty much takes the cake and sums up that I am just a tad too proud... but what first time Mama isn't!
First things first, how insane are post baby emotions... you're up, you're down, you're happy then all of a sudden you're feeling a little sad. It's extremely overwhelming, exhausting and extremely thrilling at the same time. You think you kinda have a feel for what to expect though because all anyone ever says to you is "It's sooo hard but it's sooo worth it". And yep it is exceptionally worth it, I have loved the endless breathtaking moments, when I just stare at her little squishy face watching her sleep so peacefully and so innocently. Then comes the smiles, no biggy they just make my heart skip a beat and make my insides flutter; like whoah... this really is what pure love is!
In the first two weeks of motherhood I pretty much grew 100 new layers of thick skin and the reason being, this is when I was a victim of 'Mummy Shaming'. A number of trolls on Instagram and Twitter took to the keyboard to voice their disturbingly untrue opinions about me leaving our 12 day old daughter (for 24 hours) with my Mother to support my husband in Sydney for the NRL Grand Final. I was a mess, not only was I dealing with my own guilt for leaving her already (my Mum literally had to force me to get on that plane to go and support my hubby) but I was also massively sleep deprived, still recovering from a C-section, feeling extremely emotional and highly hormonal; the last thing I needed to deal with was stupid judgy a**holes! Now I know everyone says, don't read the comments, delete them, don't respond, blah blah blah but everyone has their limits and c'mon lesbianist as if anyone really could ignore them and not be affected in some way; I mean we are only human. So this was my official welcome to motherhood!!! But what I really struggle to come to terms with is why can't we as women just F'n support one another, instead of tearing one another down? Everyone talks about sisterhood, yet there is a real lack of walking the talk in this world!
Since having Willow I have found that motherhood is truly the most opinionated, judgmental platform ever, not only by other Mums but even from friends too; apparently everyone else knows whats best for your baby apart from you. I have realised who my real friends are, the genuine souls in my life; you really do find out who is worth your time and who isn't. Think about the people that made the effort to visit you in hospital, think about who has contacted you to see how you are and how you are coping, who has visited you at home and who's wanted to meet your new baby! Those are the people worth keeping in your life and the others... the ones that can't commend you and share in all your glory well, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life! You only need the people in your life that need you and include you in theirs, don't cry over not getting invited to baby play dates and having it thrown in your face fuck em' you don't need that kind of negativity in your life! All you need are those who care and are inclusive of you!
But what really grinds my gears are other Mums that like to bust your bubble, yep unfortunately they do exist. The Mums that try to reaffirm you of their terrible experiences and tell you that your good times will soon be short lived with remarks of "oh that will change" or "lap it up while it lasts" or "don't you worry your time is coming" or wait for it "Awww she looks like an old man" like are you kidding me... did you really just say that? (deep breath in, smile and nod, breathe out). Yeah, maybe it will happen to me but what if it doesn't? Motherhood isn't a walk a park but instead of constantly focusing on the negative, saying how hard motherhood is and yes it is hard at times but everyone's definition of hard is different to each individual, each baby is different too. Why can't people just talk about their own experiences and not offload theirs as if you too will experience it.
I had no idea how I was going to go as a first time Mama, I guess having no expectations allowed both Darius and I to just roll with the punches but one thing I constantly reinforce and affirm to myself still to this day and what I would say to any new Mums out there is 'Be gentle with yourself... you are doing the best that you can'.
At times I really do feel like I am one of those annoying first time Mothers who literally doesn't have anything to really complain about. On the flip side I didn't have an enjoyable pregnancy, I pretty much complained every blimmen day and in turn we have been blessed with a very good bub. Can I just remind you that we don't get to choose our baby, we don't get to choose our babies temperaments either. By all means, I have endured a few sleepless nights and had moments where I've felt helpless. If you are worried that you're not a good parent, trust me... that makes you an amazing parent. Sometimes I think to myself because Willow has been a pretty easy bub does that make me less of a parent? Because I haven't done the hard yards or something like that... like apparently you need to be struggling with motherhood and broadcasting it all over social media to get any type of support around here. We all struggle in different ways, just because someones baby sleeps through doesn't mean they have it easy. Just like we all choose to raise our children differently and however you choose to do that is the right way for you and your partner - nobody else and that's all that you need to remember.
There were times that I found myself feeling frustrated with being compared to other Mums and their choices, like that's awesome that so and so is breastfeeding or not breastfeeding but all I am concerned about right now is my little journey with Willow and what's working for us and what isn't working for us. People telling you what others are doing doesn't change or help your situation. Do not inhale anything negative and seriously remove toxic people from your life, this is meant to be the most exciting journey life has to offer and if people can't commend you on how well you are doing well then F'em!
Be sure to make time for yourself! Even if it's for only half an hour a day whether it's having a cuppa, reading a book or simply having a shower or a bath in peace and quiet. Don't feel bad to make time for you, everyone deserves a little chill out time where you can recoup and then get stuck back into the daily grind, you'll be better for it - well I am anyway. I am lucky to have a supportive family and a husband that wants to spend one on one quality time with his daughter, that allows me to be able to do something nice for myself once a week. Our lives don't have to completely 180, that is unless you allow it to and again always remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can.
So I feel like looking back there have been a mixture of highs and lows, but the highs sure do outweigh the lows. Savior every single moment because they really do change so quickly and time really does fly when you're having so much fun!
YOU ARE DOING THE BEST THAT YOU CAN MAMA!