Posts in Mama + Baby

Ummm where has my baby gone? Has anyone else felt like this...? I don't know whether to be happy or to cry, it's a surreal yet bitter-sweet feeling. Willow Kamila, the light in our lives turned 1 last month. If you've followed me since my pregnancy journey, I know what you're thinking, "where the heck has that time gone?". Of course I am compelled to write about it, but first of all, I am going to give myself a big slap on the backside for not only surviving but thriving (as all us mamas do) in my first year of being a new mum (slaps self on backside).

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I often get asked what do I love most about being a mum, there really are endless amounts to love. I can't think of one thing that I don't love about being mum but I do know what my absolute favourite thing is... it's seeing the father daughter bond between my husband and my baby girl.

It's something I never had and still don't have with my dad. He isn't apart of my life anymore and he's never met Willow. It's something I think about quite often but I have accepted and come to terms with the fact that having a relationship with him caused me more hurt and pain than what it was actually worth. I utterly envy and adore seeing the way Darius dotes over Willow, he's a proud father, seeing his affection and love towards her with everything he has is something I cherish so very much. It makes me very emotional, in a happy way of course when I see the way he looks at her, how she touches his heart and brings out the inner child and the soft side in him. It's hard not to get teary - just as I am right now writing this. The bond they have and the relationship they will continue to have together every day is so important to me as I know it is to Darius too.

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I know it's been a while since I wrote my last blog post, I'll admit I have been finding it quite hard to get into the zone. I've been feeling like an absolute slack-ass as of late, it must be those transitioning and adjusting feels through these different stages that having a child offers but why is it that all I have been feeling lately is guilt, guilt guilt?!

Guilty for not blogging enough, guilty for feeling like I am not giving Willow enough attention, feeling guilty for not being more present with my hubby, feeling guilty for not training enough, feeling guilty for not being more productive and proactive with my career, guilty for not seeing family and friends enough.

Last week I was in tears, I spoke to the hubby about all of these overwhelming feelings and he put things into perspective and asked me this... "what's one thing that isn't going good for you right now, what's one thing you are unhappy about...?" and I actually couldn't say one thing! #realitycheck

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I came across an Instagram post the other night and the focal point was showing appreciation for all of the REAL MUMS out there in the world!

Now, this really did not sit well with me at all because let's be honest here... what is a REAL Mum? Define, a REAL Mum? I don't know about you, but to me; we are ALL REAL Mamas!

The world of social media allows an individual to share and post accordingly, their highs, their lows, along with their challenges and their triumphs with some of us choosing to share more than others.

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Hello there beautiful Mama's + Mama's to be, sorry I have been a little MIA but I have had some pretty important business to attend to such as enjoying life as a new Mama oh and ya know, finding my groove with it all. I thought I would wait till I reached the three month mark to write my next personal blog post and touch on my life and experience so far as a new Mama! Please don't take offense to anything that I have to say as that is not my intention, I am merely speaking from my own experience.

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Who doesn't love getting all goo goo and ga ga over some squishy newborn goodness, let alone when it's your very own. When it came down to it, deciding on whether or not to get a newborn shoot done for Willow was a legitimate no brainer; but it all came down to finding the right photographer for her newborn shoot. My girlfriend showed me the Instagram page of the incredibly talented Luisa Dunn and I fell in love with her style immediately, it's pretty hard not to fall in love with her work I don't even need to try and justify why I picked her as her work speaks for itself.

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So last past week I have been having babymares! Those sleepless nights where all of the typical hormonal emotions come over you... that damn stupid F word "fear" And then the questioning starts to hit... "Am I going to be a good mother?"

I think it hasn't really hit me till now that wow... I am actually going to be a Mama! I am going to be responsible for another wee humans little life for the rest of my life. I started going through a series of questions in my head like, what kind of mother am I going to be?... More importantly what kind of mother do I want to be?

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Hyperemesis Gravidarum... When it's not just morning sickness anymore...

One thing I have disliked about my character since being pregnant is becoming an avid complainer. You would think it's an easy fix as in... just don't complain or be negative then! Right? Ehhh wrong! When people ask how you're feeling or what's been happening re pregnancy, I would love to be able to lie and speak positively about it, but one... that's not being real and two... you just have to ride with the punches and do what you gotta do girl.

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When it comes to baby showers are you meant to follow tradition and abide by what's written in the baby book as the 'right way'... or do you just screw it and just do it 'your way'? I mean who really follows tradition these days anymore? I found that as soon as we announced our baby news, I had many of my closest gal pals asking me straight away if I was going to be having a baby shower.

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This blog has been a work in progress for some time and I am rather behind on the launch so I have quite a lot to catch up on in regards to my pregnancy journey. I started writing a journal right at the start of my pregnancy which I cannot seem to find anywhere since our move from Gold Coast to Brisbane but never mind we will get started with the below.


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